Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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