So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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