What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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