Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
