like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
