the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
