I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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