I seem to have left my pride at pride
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
