Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize