Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize