Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
