Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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