its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
