Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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