Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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