ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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