highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
