The beer is more important than you right now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
