I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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