I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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