I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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