Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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