I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
