From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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