Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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