It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize