i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
