I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
