i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize