Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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