somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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