i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
