He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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