Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
