Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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