You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
