OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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