i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
