if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
