I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
