apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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