omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
