so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
