I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize