I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
