Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
