Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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