So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
