do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
