Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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