i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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