i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
