oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
