Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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