Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
