I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
this hospital has no fireball
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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