I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
