the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so let's talk penis.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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