Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have aggressive nipples.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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