fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
