if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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