mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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