the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
