:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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