who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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