There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
