mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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