my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
